They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
