Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
