dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
