she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
