what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
