You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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