Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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