sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
