I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
