Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
