That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
