If you die in college, do you die in real life?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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