Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
