ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
