i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
