I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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