How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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