Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
