I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
