I think i peed on brittanys purse
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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