I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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