This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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