Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
