I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
