i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
