They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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