So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
