Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
