The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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