Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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