One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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