You smell like a Billy Joel song
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
