i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
