how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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