The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
