i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
