did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
