Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sober January is a disaster.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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