I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
