So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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