I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
