After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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