I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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