We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
