ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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