I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
