i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
