Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
