My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
