I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
