i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
