Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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