he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
how drunk are you?
Several
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
