I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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