Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
