Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
