three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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