i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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