she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
