She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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