i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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