found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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