singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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