you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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