his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
