Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
