and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
