the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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