I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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